this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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