she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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