Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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