Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
