Whod you bang
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
