hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
