I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
