But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
