dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
