Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
