Tell her she can't have a vagina
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
