And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
