OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
