as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
