bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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