Are we in a gay sports bar?
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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