I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
