I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
