Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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