So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
