I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
