Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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