Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
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