Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
