He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
