I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
