how hairy? two words: wookie tits
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
