it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
