i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
