ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
