I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
