I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
