How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I look better un-naked...
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
