clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Couch. On fire.
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