Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
