all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
