NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
