If that was your dad, he is hot
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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