he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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