my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
