Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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