Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
