are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
