real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
