well you can't waste a boner
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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