his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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