tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
