so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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