we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
