My liver just broke up with me...
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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